Acknowledgement
I started this blog nearly a year back when i came back from a horrifying plant audit experience after 3 months of torture. After a few days the zeal died in me and i didn't complete it. But few days back my ex-colleague Nimesh inspired me to complete the unfinished work, who also refers me as Mr US (read till the end to know why he calls me so). There ends my dedication pages.
Chapter 1
Now let me come to my Kemp (my struggle). I am an MBA from a Christ College but got placed in an audit firm for doing Internal Audits. During the interview they asked if i had a passport and if i had any travel constraints for travelling abroad. My answer was a "NO" for both the questions. So before joining got my passport done. When i told my friends about this they all told people get to visit nice places who work in Audit firms. From that day waited to travelling abroad. The D-day of joining came and it was awesome experience. Within few days I realised I belonged to the group of duckling among the flock of Geese. Here I am referring to the qualified CA's as geese who are cut for the job of Auditing. I didn't know what I had to do in auditing leave about what I have to do; i didn't know the fundamentals of audit. After 3 months sitting on bench came the day when my manager called and told I will be travelling, and she told she will confirm in a few days where i will be going. The bells were ringing in my head and i was fully excited that I will be travelling international. Next day morning at 10:00 AM, manager told I will be travelling Chennai for a real estate company audit. I was happy that if not international atleast I am travelling somewhere. After that my next assignment was in Bangalore had and no issues.
Chapter 2
Immediately after that started my story of Discovery of India. I was off to a location called Sitapuram (Nalgonda Dist.). It’s located near Vijaywada. It was exciting for me because I am an Adhraite and worked for in Vijaywada for few months, thought will get a nice opportunity to go around Vijayawada atleast in the weekends. The travel plan was we will be flying from Bangalore to Vijaywada and from there company vehicle will come to pick up. I realised during the initial few days of joining the job that the name of auditor scares many process owners and they do everything to keep them happy. So, I was expecting awesome Andhra food, 24/7 vehicles at our disposal to pick/drop wherever we want and nice leisure time after work. It was the month of April and we reached Vijayawada airport and landed at 12:30 PM. If anyone been to AP in the months of Jan to Dec than will end up saying it has only one season and i.e. Summer Season. By now you must have understood how the weather was when we reached. It was extremely hot temperature touching 40 plus and hot winds blowing. My senior working on the assignment told me vehicle must be waiting and called the Finance Head of the plant which we were going to audit to get the driver details. We searched for the vehicle and didn't find him, then called up the driver to find where he was and he told he will take approximately 2 hours to reach the airport as he was starting at that moment. There comes the first experience of royal treatment and reality check that i was expecting. We waited the next 2 hours in the Vijayawada heat outside the airport waiting for the vehicle. At last the vehicle came and it was an Indica sent to pick 3 people and their luggages. We were planned to stay for 5 weeks so even our luggage was big. Adding to that the car looked suitable to carry cement bags than people it was fully filled with cement dust truly looked like we were going for a Cement plant audit. What to do we had no option but to pack ourselves into the car with the bags. Somehow reached the plant guest house at around 5 PM. Luckily the rooms were nice and clean and the first day food was nice and tasty. Even the audit was slow and nice and we were coming back around 7 PM in evening. Then came the shock, were asked to vacate one of the room of the two that we were staying in as some Firang will be staying in, that was second reality check, slowly I was getting used to all these shock. Now the food also got pathetic, it was the same old curry lunch and dinner. One weekend I wanted to go Viajayawada and requested for a vehicle and it never got arranged. After 2nd week even the work pressure increased we started working nearly 18 to 20 hours a day. Used to start work at morning 8 AM and to ended up working till 7:30 PM in office and then from after dinner didn’t keep track till what time we slogged. After couple of weeks even the pick-up and drop was being stopped. I hot summer had to walk back to guesthouse which was nearly 1 km to have lunch or after lunch. We had horrible time for getting a vehicle to travel. Let me also add the great network that we had over there. Only two networks used to work Airtel and BSNL. For signal of other networks we had to go inside the plant. Thats the great service coverage of our service providers. All my expectations were shattered into cold water. Only solace were the IPL matches which were going on during that time. Me and my colleague were having a great time betting who will end up winning each day while working after dinner. We slogged days and nights and a somehow winded up the audit after 5 weeks.
Chapter 3
After the Sitapuram Audit, I worked on the only audit which I enjoyed the most. It was a IT audit. The best part was I had to only execute the work in other words I had to only do the field work, no preparation of report was involved. I was happy. I was happy for one more reason i.e. I won’t be travelling to another Cement plant audit which was scheduled after Sitapuram. After working in Sitapuram I was prepared for everything. I didn’t expect anything and guess that’s it was the best. I was again sent to Andhra this time it was Hyderabad. I just loved it. It was Ganesh Puja & Dushara season. It was a 10 weeks audit. We were a team of 6 people covering 5 locations across India. I was responsible for Hyderabad. After many year got a chance to be with my family, cousins and friends during the festival season. On this assignment I worked closely with Nimesh who was based in Guragon working with us overview the daily operations and execution. Our first call with Smitha (one of the process owner) was horrifying and everyone expected it will be called off. But then we came back from behind. I used the audit skills that I learnt during the Cement plant audit. I probed each client during the engagement like sniffer dog. Some of the process owners named me Machar (mosquito) because I was getting new issues and was sucking the blood out of them, they were irritated. I just loved it. Also the guest house was a pleasure and food was delight, each day different items. The best part was I had my weekends for myself to catch up with my family and friends. I visited new few places around Hyderabad like Vikarabad Forest and Gandipet to name a few. I had the best of my audit experience. After 10 weeks my honeymoon ended as we know all good things in life have to come to an end. I was back to Bangalore.
Chapter 4
After 3 days being back to Bangalore my manager told me to get in touch with a manager based out of Gurgaon. I was very excited, because everyone told me that he is responsible for International assignment. I also had one more reason to feel that because one of my colleague who worked on the IT audit along with me got a same call from him and she was travelling Switzerland. So I felt I will get my first opportunity to travel international. I called him and told he asked me to get in touch with a Senior who works under him. I was just nervous and senior’s number was busy. He called back and broke the news that I will be travelling to one more Sitapur based in UP this time for a Sugar plant audit. So my dream of travelling abroad had to still wait for some time. I was told I will be spending 3 to 4 weeks on this audit. I felt atleast I didn’t travel North India so this will be opportunity. I wanted to go Agra and see the Taj, hoped it will be possible. Myself and another colleague who flew from Mumbai and we joined Guragon team. We boarded train bound to Lucknow, and around 3 AM morning got down at a station called Hardoi. Winter was setting in and the weather was chilly. We got into a Bolero and from there started out journey to reach the Sitapur hotel. Our lodging name was “Hotel Ranjit-Decent Place”. The hotel looked shady and felt at the first look that it was definitely a place where any moment a police raid will be happening to catch people doing mischievous activities. The hotel used to run on DG set for nearly 15 hours a day. At mid-night the DG used to stop and for nearly 3 hours at night used to sleep without power. Luckily the cold was setting so didn’t require to run the fan. There was no hot water so had to take bath with cold water. Now coming to the food it was pathetic, we had order food nearly an hour before we wanted to eat so that they will fetch it from some hotel and wait till we pay him a hefty tip. The milk tasted as goat milk. I started skipping breakfast. The lunch had to come from Sitapur town, and there were many days where the plant Finance head never used to order food. Sometimes around 3 PM, these guys used to say “oh you food has not come should we order it?”. I always felt it was intentional. They were pissed off with the pervious audit report submitted by the pervious teams and it was their way for revenge on us. We somehow managed to find a place where we could get tasty food and less than Rs.120 for 2 people. The place from its looks was not posh. But once you are in the food was awesome and right next to we found a Pan shop were we used to eat Pan more than the food we ate. It was only Rs.4. Now coming to the travel part it was most the tiring part of the job. I had to travel nearly 45 mins each day, on the bumpy roads which used to be back breaking. Now I got used not to expect a decent pick-up and drop. Every night, I had to follow up continuously for getting dropped back to the hotel. After a week we were shifted to a guesthouse in the town Rampur. And from there I had to travel from 1.5 hours a day to the plant. Only good thing was the colleague who was staying with me. So, mostly 3 hours a day used to go in travel. Only good part of the audit was the nice North Indian food. During the same audit I have to visit my home town, and got my train tickets booked and requested the process owner to book a vehicle to drop me in Lucknow to catch train. I guess I will be only the guy who missed trains and flights during audits. So the driver managed to give the first experience of missing the train. So, I had to take a bus from Lucknow and reach Delhi to catch a flight. On my return journey from my home town took a flight to Delhi and a train from Old Delhi station. Old Delhi station was more a garbage yard than a railway platform. I don’t know how people can keep the Capital of the nation in such shitty conditions. I had to sit and wait for the train in the stinking smell. Again got down at the Hardoi station and got luckily the vehicle was there in time waiting for me to pick up. To my surprise there was a Gunman, to protect us. The driver told that at night dacoits attack vehicles. So, he took me to his home and gave me tea made out of Jaggery and fresh raw ground nuts burned in fire in front of me. He was a farmer with his house in the middle of the farm land. My first experience of rural India. After that we went back to guesthouse. During the one weekend we went to the city of Nawabs Lucknow. It a beautiful city with lot of history. But the city had more elephants and Mayati statues than the Nawab palaces. After 4 weeks of audit field work we were asked to come back to Gurgaon office to prepare the report. What a fate I have, we didn’t get any train tickets so, we caught a normal UP State bus to reach Delhi. I was put in a hotel where the bathroom door had knob could be opened only from outside i.e. before entering into the bathroom. There was no knob from inside, and if anyone closes it from inside than it can’t be opened. My manager in-charge of the assignment decided to review the work one day. And I was taking bath and co-incidentally I locked the door. I was stuck. There was a small window which managed to opened, and saw there was wall around 3 feet away. If I could jump on it I could come out and if I fail I will fall down from a 3 storey building. I had to do it because of the terror of the manager & his review. I managed to do it and still alive and writing this today. After the report was prepared I was asked to stay back for final discussion, and again had to go back to the plants. We went back. This was the last stretch of the audit. I was planning to come back Bangalore to after the discussions to attend my roommates weeding. We closed the discussions, and got my flight ticket booked. My only mistake was I had not informed the Finance head who will be arranging the vehicle to drop me at the airport. We next day morning I informed him he behaved like ass-**** waiting for a chance to make my life miserable. He was didn’t arrange a vehicle till 12 PM. My flight was at 3:30 PM. After that at 1 PM, I got a vehicle with a sleepy driver. I reached the airport after the boarding was closed, and no one obliged to requests to allow me to board the flight. I saw the flight door being closed in front of my eyes. I had no option but to catch a train as the next flight was only after 2 days direct to Bangalore. I decided to go to Delhi and grab a flight to Bangalore. I went to station and to good news is due to foggy weather all trains were running late or were cancelled. I got a chance to look at the beauty of the Lucknow station, and the station building was a beauty to watch but, people doesn’t care to maintain. It was again filled with trash, people were peeing at the entrance itself, and the tracks had more rat holes than a food warehouse. I took a general ticket and was waiting for the first train bound to travel Delhi. At last at around 8 PM a train was leaving old Delhi. I begged one of the TT to allow me a board the train in second class. The train was jam packed was first train in the day that was heading Delhi. It was extremely cold temperature’s almost touching zeros. I sat near the toilet with my luggage. I fellow passenger was a thief released from Rae Bareli jail, which I came to know when the TT came to check the ticket. I was carrying a huge luggage with a winter blanket & lots of winter clothes which I bought in Delhi and few statues which I bought to gift my family members. After checking the thief, TT called up police to check and then his eyes fell on me and my bag. RPF constables checked my bags 3 times on that night. I was terrorist for them. They kept asking me why I was carrying so much of luggage, they wanted a bill for the statues I was carrying. At last I told them I was an auditor, and they never heard of the word auditor that was the great news. I showed my ID card and Visting cards. Somehow one of the TT seems to have knowledge of who is a auditor, so took pity on me and asked not to harass me and told to shift my luggage to the A/C cabin where he was sitting. He shifted me from there to the compartment next to the 3 A/C cabin. Even after that the constables were after me, I paid them Rs.20 bucks, and cheap bastards we happy. I don’t understand how bribe pleases. I reached the New Delhi domestic airport, at 6 PM spent the first sleepless night . I rate this audit as the worst experience of my working Life. People laugh at me whenever I share this incident. I always have a sad story to say. But what to my experiences were Sad and depressing. But for me it’s the most hated episode. It was the beginning of many things that I lost in the following few months. I missed my best friend’s wedding also it was the beginning of the phase when I lost something very dear to me. I will rate this Audit as the worst audit experience of the field audit experience. I never got to see the Taj at the end of the whole trip. Nothing got fulfilled during this audit. It was a mental, emotional, and economical drain out for me. My company found faults in me and never reimbursed me the money e of the missing flight.
Chapter 5
After this I came back to Bangalore, the very next day I was asked by my manager to contact manager based out of Mumbai and made it clear this time that it was one more plant audit. So, I was sure I won’t be travelling international even this time. The plant audit was a place located between Pune & Lonawala called Khane. My stay was arranged in a guesthouse right next to the plant. The guest house used to be empty as everyone used to leave the guest house at around 7:30 PM. I used to be all alone till next day morning 7 AM. It was a big bungalow, and no other building around for nearly half a kilometre. Even here getting a vehicle was a pain to be dropped back. I many times had to work late night and getting a drop after 9 PM was impossible. This plant used to have their weekly off on Thursday as the power used to go off. I used to got to Mumbai or a place called Khopoli every Wednesday night and come back on Thursday day back to guesthouse. In that way was working 7 days a week nearly 12 hours a day. It continued for 3 months. Once in a while used to go to Lonawala to catch up a movie. I used to take the train from Khane to Lonawala. It was nice time during the train rides. I got so familiar with the routes & short cuts between Khane & Khopoli that people used to depend on me even at mid-night to travel back and from Khane. I stayed there for 3 months at the end, became one among them. I didn’t have people to speak with, so the Finance process owner itself became a close friend. In evenings I started playing Volleyball and Cricket with them. I would rate this audit as the second worst experience because of working non-stop for 7 days during the 3 months and the reviews which I went through. And people don’t know what they want and expect the things to happen as they want. At the same time I had the Statutory Audit team coming, and saw the difference in treatment.
Chapter 6
After this the next audit was one more IT audit in Hyderabad. It was courtesy of my previous good work I did on similar engagement. It was nice time of 3 weeks I spent. I was happy to be doing something I enjoyed when I did. I again had time to catch up with my friends and family. It fulfilling after having the rough time plant audits. During the same time I came to know I will be travelling back to Sitapuram of AP.
Chapter 7
It was like home coming for me when I went back to Sitapuram. This time the vehicle was waiting for us. It was a Bolero. We stopped in DVManor the only nice 5 star in Vijayawada, had a hearty meal as I already knew what I should be expecting. This time the audit was 6 weeks, will major part of the work being assigned to me. I knew what the work was and how I should be planning to execute it. I picked the things what is learnt from my previous experiences audits. I was enjoying the SAP application exploring it how it works and how it can be used as an Audit tool. During my last audit, I landed in Bangalore back from a audit and directly left from the airport to another Plant Audit. At last i managed to live Life out of suitcase he he....
Finally, I also realised that working and slogging 15 hours in a days including your weekends was part and parcel of the plant audits. And expecting good food or good treat or pick up & drop are the last things to happen. People don’t respect internal auditors. For all the companies Internal Auditor is the most unwanted and hated person as i felt seeing many organisation as they associate the individuals’ performance to the Internal Audit Report. To conclude, I woke up from my dream and realised I will never get an International audit experience in this organisation, so quit the company than have expectations or hopes of going for International Assignment one day. People who joined before, along and after me have travelled internation but not me. I was ending up being domestic plant audit specialist. Nimesh is the only person who kept telling me I will go to US one day, and kept calling me Mr US, even though I never went to US. Ha ha.. Finally, I will end by saying people end up having zero time for personal life and end up signing up for life time for the company.
Wait is Still on for my first International Travel....
